My Catcher rant.

Okay, how many of you have been depressed? How many of you have had thoughts of suicide? How many of you have actually attempted it?

Your answers are scary. Some of you have done one, two, or maybe even all of the three above. Well, how many of you have read Catcher in the Rye? How many of you have felt like Holden every single damn day of your life. I know I have. I have felt like utter shit every single day.

I know Holden. I see him every single day when I look in the mirror. I may not be 6’2”. I may not have grey hair; I may not be a man. I still see him. I see a scared little girl, afraid of what the future brings; hell, even if there will be a future for me. 

The symbol of the ducks in Catcher is my favorite symbol. It is so fucking simple; however, it is the most important. When Holden is asking about the ducks, he is asking about himself. He is asking if he is going to be alright. He is asking if when the pond freezes over, if the ducks will get out. In his world, the freezing of his pond is approaching at an alarming rate. He doesn’t know what the hell is happening to him now, or what happened to him in the past. He needs Allie, he needs Phoebe, and he needs Jane. He needs and escape. His escape is simple, like Alaska Young, his goal is to go straight and fast. The faster he lives his life, the sooner it will end.

Holden is looking for an escape. His escape is within reach. His insane and inane ideas are what he uses. His hatred for the qualities he exhibits is what he is. He is phony, he is mean, and he is superficial. He doesn’t know anything other than hatred, because he hates himself.

So, please, I don’t care if you hate this book. I don’t care why you hate it, just please; realize that this book has done more for me and the millions of people who have read it. This book changed my life, it made me realize that one day, with help; things will get better. They’ll get better for me, and they’ll get better for you.

The ducks make it out of the lagoon, and so will you. I promise.